More Changes

I am trying to make a lot of changes in my life. I have struggled with clinical depression for so long. I know it isn't going to go away. And it's hard to get off my butt, but I will have to get off my butt if I am ever going to make any progress. So while I am feeling the depression still (and it's not seasonal, because oddly enough, I do better in the winter months) but while I am still feeling it...I have decided to force myself to be proactive about life.

The laundry was a start. And I am working on making the rest of my house a place of peace. That can't happen if the house is a mess. The kids seem to fight more when the house is a mess. The general disorder is stressful, and everyone acts out. So....I am working on that.

School was another big step. I cannot tell you how empowered I am feeling. Lately I have been feeling stagnant. I felt as if I were just here, but not really living. I now feel as if I am making progress again as a human and spiritual being. This is nice. But, what is really nice is, I still feel depressed.....but it doesn't matter. I am going to make myself live anyway.

So with a renewed outlook on life, and since the preschool I applied at isn't hiring, I applied to be a playground aide at the kids school today. The school always sends notes home with the kids before posting a job opening, in hopes that one of the parents can do it. It works better this way. Well, my kids all BEGGED me to come be a playground aide. And I thought....What the heck??!!! I can do this. It's a 10:15am-1:15pm job. The school is 2 blocks away. I will never have to work over summer vacation or school holidays. And this will help with my efforts to be an elementary school teacher. So I marched myself into the office and applied. I know the women in the office very well, and they were excited to see me apply. Partly because they like me. And partly because so far I am the only applicant LOL! But the principal will look at the apps and make a decision. I think I stand a decent chance of getting this job.

And no, this isn't going to bring home the bacon. I can't support my family on this job. But I feel good about the idea of being in a school, being with the kids, and just DOING something. Of all the kids in that school, I know at least 80% of them, and 50% I know very well. From 6th grade to Kindergarten, I have taught at least some of them in church, or coached them in soccer, or was a team mom, or know them through my kids. I think I will have fun with this job.

If it get it LOL!