Choices and What Really Matters
So, day before yesterday was really bad. I got it in my PPD addled brain, that if Molly didn't take the breast NOW, and if I continued to pump milk and use artificial bottles, she would never take the breast. So I began skin to skin contact and not giving the bottle. It was HELL! She refused the breast even more. She cried constantly. I cried constantly. We were exhausted. I was in pain because I quit the Vicodin that same day in an effort to keep her awake and alert. And in the end I decided.
Who gives a stinky toot if she never takes the breast? Yes, I would love for her to do so. I LOVE breastfeeding. But, if she never does....she never does. And, is that going to make her somehow less of a person? Will this be the deciding factor that keeps her out of Harvard? No. She and I will both survive.
As soon as I made the decision (aided by some love and support from Barry which included a mini-rose bush and large quantities of chocolate ice cream offered to me) I relaxed. I gave Molly a bottle. She started smiling again. I started smiling again. I will still try the breast with her. But if she isn't interested, that's ok too. As a matter of fact, she took the breast earlier this am. WAY earlier :) And that was fine. But as soon as she wanted to stop. We stopped. And when she was still hungry, but didn't want the breast, I gave her a bottle. She is now sleeping contentedly next to me. None the worse for the experience.
I scrapped yesterday! Molly was snoozing, so I worked really fast and did a LO:
I used the Cosmic Kimono kit by Maya and available soon at ScrapbookGraphics. Make sure to check it out!
The rest of the family is fine. School is in it's 2nd week. Willy has already come home with an illness. Gratefully it only lasted a day. Daisy is going to take orchestra. Emily is in the last grade of elementary school, and she looks like it. When I worked at the school, I noticed a big physical difference between 5th and 6th graders. I am seeing the changes in Em now. She is SO grown-up. CRAP! LOL! And Cory is the same. Spends time with friends and helps out when asked. Actually, I have noticed that he is trying harder to not do stupid crap. He is realizing that doing homework and minding the 'rents is a smart idea.
Well, Molly and Barry are still asleep. I still need to shower, but it will have to wait. Because it is time to get the kids going for school.
8 comments:
MOTHER always knows best!
She will grow & thrive both ways!!!!
(((HUGS)))
One of the things I read at the Bodies exhibit was that a baby will nurse longer if mom adds more garlic to her diet. Interesting!
Josh had problems nursing when he was born--he was jaundiced and kept falling asleep. Plus, my hefty pre-surgery 40FFF's could barely produce an ounce of milk. Talk about depression...what good were they?? After finally deciding to supplement with formula, he and I both did so much better. Even though he was a preemie, he's a moose now and eats like one.
Big hugs!!! :)
Don't beat yourself up hon - I bottle-fed Ethan - and we were both HAPPY HAPPY - that's what's important!! LOOOVE your page - that photo will be treasured!!
You and Molly are so BEAUTIFUL in that photo!! Hang in there!!!
Just had to share, hopefully as an encouragement. Our first son I breast fed, and all went well, our second son was adopted so I bottle fed. As sad as I was about that, in the end, my adopted son and I actually had more eye to eye contact, he bonded with me so differently than my first, my biological. It's weird, but it's true. And you know, my breast fed baby just seemed to get more sinus infections etc. I still ADVOCATE breast feeding, but for us, I had a much more positive experience with my second. Don't know the why's but I like to encourage mom's when the breast feeding issue bogs them down. For me, I feel God gave me that wonderful bonding moment that all of us adoptive mothers fear we "miss", and it's just not so. Hang in there. Molly will be just fine! Congratulations!
Hey girl, check your email...we'll be in Arizona tomorrow! :)
GORGEOUS Dena:) I think this page is my very fav. of your's! I've told ya about Joe. Had that prob. and it's just fine to do what you have to do! the best thing is for mom and baby to be happy:)
I was really encouraged by reading this....your baby girl is still so little, she may nurse, ya never know, but it was nice to hear you are settling in okay with bottle and breast. Aubree started a bottle at 6 days old because we had to because I had to be gone from her for hours on end and I pumped and she took the milk by bottle and I got more nursing time in two weeks later and it was great and then I had to be away again. She's 3 months now and I nurse her one time every 2-3 days....it is weird, but I'm still hanging on to that little bit before I let her give it up. She has come to not want to do it. It is hard, harder on us, the moms, than the babies :( Hang in there!! Congrats on Molly, she looks beautiful....if I am not mistaken she has a touch of Daisy in her? Hugs! Steph
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