F@#$&NG TIME!!!!!

Oh yeah! I'm pissed! I was google-ing some old friends tonight. Some had gone on and become just what they always wanted. Some didn't but were still doing well. Some not so well.

And Then

I googled my first love. And he is an OLD MAN! I found a pic! (And no, I am not going to show the pic. Just suffice it to say that he was beautiful when we were younger. And now, he's just....older.) He's, not really an old coot, but he is certainly older than the mental picture I have of him. And all I could think was "I snuggled with that old man!!!"

Which of course led to thought #2

What would they think seeing me now? AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! Well that was a big kick in the butt! Once again I am going to TRY and LOSE weight. Then I am going to start dressing like a beautiful woman instead of an exhausted wreck. Maybe a little makeup. Get my nails done (hi Pattie!)

The goal here? Screw feeling good about myself. Terror is a much better incentive. And I am in terror of what my friends from my youth would think if they ran into me.

"Poor Dena, she used to be such a pretty girl."